The worst chain/store in universe: Canadian Tire

We all have things to do, people to see and bagels to eat so lets keep this a small post. I just want to quickly convey to you, the degree to which i absolutely loathe Canadian Tire. There are many levels of hate, for me and millions of other Canadians, Canadian Tire is at the absolute pinnacle of it. And no, fuck you, "Hate" is not a strong word. Actually, the English language fails me as a communication tool, when i try to convey the ill i feel for Canadian Tire. It is an institute of ass-rape and a dean of douchbaggery. If there was a Noble award for atrocities against mankind just short of genocide, Canadian Tire's non-existent customer service department would have been littered with medals. At this point, you are probably thinking that i m making exaggerated claims without backing my shit up. Well, lets review why every Canadian Tire location is more of a portal to hell than a store.


1. Customer Service
Being a customer at Canadian Tire is experiencing the highest level of hell. I now understand Dante's Inferno. Those levels of hell represent different Aisles at Canadian Tire. Actually, the term "Canadian Tire Customer Service" is a misnomer because i have yet to meet a person who has encountered a staff member at any of the Canadian tire stores. They are all completely deserted. The ass holes only look at you from the cameras up top and no one comes to help you choose the drain pipe of correct radius for your sink. This ain't a Casino bitch, stop it with the 360 degrees security cameras no one wants to steal your shitty merchandise.

Also, is there a Canadian law that requires every Canadian tire to have an immigrant 'Indian uncle' right at the entrance trying his best to sell you the "kanay deean tire kray dit kared". No i don't wanna sell my soul to the devil, thank you very much.


2. Canadian Tire Auto Center
Let me be completely factual with you on this one. I have been to the auto center at Canadian Tire four times... yes i had temporarily lost my cerebral functions. All four times they tried to gang rape me and i was charged for their attempted rape and extortion. Not only was i over charged but i was told to buy shit that i didn't particularly need. In the interest of time, i would just share with you, my first Canadian Tire experience of how i lost my innocence. I went to Canadian Tire for the first time 2 years ago, i went to get day light runners installed on my American car to make it road legal in Canada. They told me i needed to get new set of tires or they wouldn't pass my car. I had no other choice but to bend over and spread my legs. Not only did they did a shitty job with the alignment of tires, the day light runners didn't work either. So i had to go back for a second visit. Also, they had the nerve to tell me that i needed an oil change when i had gotten one done earlier that week. Now i know how it would feel, if one were to be forced in to giving a prostate exam without lube and then told at end of the exam that the real doctor would be seeing you shortly.

3. Canadian Tire Money

I m very well travelled. I have shopped at many different stores in many different countries. In my travels, i have yet to come across a store that issues its own currency. For the non-Canadians it would seem like a weird concept that a store actually has its own paper based currency. That is the messed up thing in Canada: Big corporations like Canadian Tire feel that they are only marginally less omniscient than God. Canadian Tire has its own shit faced currency. WTF?!
Does any body even use that money.It sits in your wallet or in your car rotting away and every time you come across the crumbled up money you resent Canadian Tire. I am sick of Canadian Tire's lack of respect for its customers. Any image, sound or smell , even remotely linked with this "shitore" makes every single cell in my body wish destruction for every single Canadian tire establishment. GOD i f&%*ing hate Canadian Tire! If you HATE Canadian Tire as much as myself, i urge you not to shop at this disgusting 'Shitore'. They need to publicly apologize to all its customers, make a commitment to improve their customer service and stop ripping people off.

Loonies and Toonies

Canadians are insecure. I would know this because i happen to be one. We are so insecure that every product, every service and establishment has to have a flashing red maple leaf plastered on it. We have a constant need to be continuously reminded that we are north of the civilized world. Its as if the thermometer isn't enough to remind us that we are in bloody Canada. We have this idiotic sense of patriotism because we suffer from an identity crisis. Canadians want be grand like New York but at the same time be known as Toronto. We want to be à la mode like Paris and be French Canadian at the same time. We are more confused and hated than the ugly duckling.

The reason why i m writing this is to bring to your attention what pisses me most about this country: our currency. The only reason why we cant adopt the more practical paper based dollar bill, like they do it in the civilized south, is that we wanna be euro trash. Our government still performs analingus to her majesty the F&@#$ING QUEEN of Britain!. I don't mean to raise my voice but it really pisses me off. Every time i hear the toonies and loonies jingle in my pocket i want to choke somebody. I see my income disappear every time i buy a Tim Hortons coffee.

Stop it with the coins already and lets print some one dollar bills please. I have had it! Starting from today, every time some one takes my money and gives a wheelbarrow full of change, i m clubbing a baby seal to death.